jokes humorous- hello sir

A beggar tells another:
- Yesterday, at the exit of a music hall, a conjurer filed a five hundred francs in the hat that I handed him.
- You must have been happy?
- Not so much because when jai searched in my hat to make this post, it came out a dove

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A fisherman returns to port and tells his colleagues:
- Incredible ... You know that I met?
- No
- A mermaid!
- Yikes! And how she swam?
- Very bad, she gave me a fish tail!

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Marseille is two talking, with the emphasis
- I'll get a fast food chain
- How do you call it?
- "My balls Mickey"
- Are you crazy with a name like that you will not have customers!
- I doubt that it does not work: There has been a terrible works with a similar name "My tail Donald."

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Discuss three kids in the playground.
"My father said the first, is so strong that it swallows his cigarette in his mouth, and he spits out the nose!
- Wow, that sucks. Mine, he swallows the mouth and spits it by ear ...
- You're full of shit, said the third. By cons, mine, he swallowed by mouth and he spit in the asshole!
The other two:
"Anything! This is not possible!
And the third one slip out of his father's briefcase.
"And that is not traces of nicotine, perhaps?

Yesterday, a boxer has won on points ... I would have been surprised if it wins the feet ......

- hello sir
- Hello my dear, what do you want?
- I want a boat crommander agniversaire for agniversaire ba sister.
- How?
- I want a boat for agniversaire ba sister.
- Ah! a birthday cake, and what kind of cake?
- A full chraises jerky with his name on it.
- With strawberries? Okay. And how it is called your sister?
- Plumelle.
- It's pretty ca. Hence is it that it's coming?
- When she had gnaitre a pen is on its trombee berbeau.
- This is cute, and you, what's your name?
- Girder.

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A professor of psychology begins its course:
"Today, we will discuss the various stages of anger."
He brought a phone in the room, made a random number and asks:
"Hello Madam, may I speak to Jacques, please?"
- "You are mistaken, there is no number that Jacques"
He turned to the students and said:
"You've just witnessed the commissioning phase in condition."
It starts and the lady, a little annoyed, replied:
"I already told you that there was no Jacques here!"
It repeats a dozen times, hangs up after being yelled at by the lady became hysterical and addresses his audience:
"This is finally the ultimate level of anger."
Thereupon, a student raised his hand:
"Sir, there is yet a higher level" and to illustrate, he grabbed the phone, once again made the same number and said:
"Hello Madam, I am Jacques. Has there been any messages for

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One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She immediately feels very attracted by its brutality and while they were aware of them and explained to him all sorts of things, she asked him how he was doing in relation to sex.
- What sex be? Jane explained to him forthwith and he said:
- Ah, I usually use hole in tree Horrified, she said:
- But Tarzan, you're wrong. This is not a tree should be used. I'll show you. She quickly removed her clothes, lies down and he reveals his privacy.
- Here Tarzan. We must put your sex here. Tarzan then gets naked, advances towards Jane and gives her a big kick in sex. Jane writhes and after a while, even taken aback, she asks:
- But why did you do this to me?
- I check if not bee ...

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This is Johnny Hallyday is the restaurant having lunch with her manager.
Between cheese and dessert, Johnny excuse to go to the bathroom.
A few minutes later, he's back and jeans is all wet on the front.
His manager told him jokingly:
- So what Johnny, you're incontinent with age or you wanted so much that you have not been able to hold you?
And Johnny replied:
- Ah, no no. But every time I go pee in public restrooms, it's the same thing: there is always one guy at the urinal next to me and recognizing that turned to me and said "Hey, c ' You're Johnny? "

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A guy goes to a bar, drunk. Shortly after, a second comes out, but it is clear. Both are heading to the parking lot to retrieve their respective car.
The second remark that the first staggers a lot and spends his hand on the roof of a car, then away somehow, and then passes control on top of another and then away, and so on with some vehicles parking.
Intrigued, the guy calls the fasting:
- Can I ask what you do?
The other mutters
- I'm trying to get my car ...
- And I know how you intend to recognize it?
- Mine was a beacon ...

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Because of the "innocence" of Tarzan lived alone for so long, Jane had to give him lessons to explain sexuality:
- Look, Tarzan, what you got there between your legs, it's like your dirty laundry and what I have between my legs is like a washing machine .... So you have to put your dirty laundry in my washing machine and drain well before removing it.
The following five nights Tarzan washed his clothes without stopping, and when Jane could finally breathe, she said:
- Listen, Tarzan, you can not do as much laundry as a result, it is not good for the machine or the machine, you'll have to wait two or three days to start washing your clothes. Upon hearing this, Tarzan was very disappointed, and after a month without "washing" Jane said, Tarzan, what happened to you? Why month you do not put your clothes in my machine.
Then Tarzan replied:
- Tarzan have learned to wash by hand!!

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During the study in the evening, a kid will not stop licking his hand to moisten the forehead while learning his lessons. Watching it for a while, intrigued, the supervisor asked why he did this.
- I learned my lesson sir, replied the boy ...
- I see, said the supervisor, but then you stop smearing the front of saliva!
- It is better to learn sir! Last night, I heard Mom tell Dad that when wet head, returning it better!

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This is an old couple still very happy. They were both 94 years old. The husband died suddenly of a heart attack. Their daughter ran to her mother to comfort her, and it says to him:
- Your father died while making love, the poor.
- But what you thought about your age to continue to make such follies?
- You know my daughter, it became a habit, and we went very slowly. Every Sunday morning, we followed the rhythm of the bells of the seven o'clock mass. To Ding, c `was the entrance and Dong was the exit. We did not get tired too, you know, and it was our little happiness. If it had not been for this ice cream truck with his Gueding Guedang Gueding Guedang crazy, your father would probably still be alive ...

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It is very early in the morning. A man picks up the phone and called for a taxi to take and pass leads to the airport. the patient man about half an hour, then as the taxi is still not there, he calls the taxi company. There, he was told that the taxi is on the road ... But 15 minutes later, it's still the same man then called the taxi company for the third time in almost shouting:
- I need a taxi to any emergency, I have to take the flight 714 from Sydney to Sebena and off in 30 minutes!
- I'm sorry for the delay. Your taxi will be here in a few seconds now. But do not worry, you will not miss your flight because the flight takes off always late.
- Yes, for sure it will take off late today anyway, because I'm the pilot!

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**Ten to twelve, it's time to eat.
A man enters a restaurant, the server instead has a table and asked him to wait. Beside him a man reading a newspaper at the table in front of an appetizing plate of spaghetti.
Our client really hungry and after a few minutes it can no longer: he quietly pulls the base of his neighbor and starts eating.
Reached the end of his meal, he sees the bottom of a plate full of greasy comb dandruff, disgusting ... and he vomits his spaghetti on the plate. At that time, his neighbor folds his newspaper and said, "You also have found the comb ..."

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**A cat enters a pharmacy application:
Can I have the syrup cat.

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**A young man tells his mother he is in love and wants to marry. With a smile, he said:
- I asked my sweetheart and her two friends tomorrow afternoon tea at home. I will not tell you, and you will try to guess which of the three I decided to marry her!
The mother agrees.
The next day, he returned with three pretty girls. They go to the salon, talk a while, and finally the young man asks his mother:
- So mom, in your opinion, who do you think I intend to marry?
- The middle.
- Wow, that's great, you guessed it! How did you do?
- Simple intuition, she already gets on my nerves ...

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**Two guys are talking and one of them said:
- If the end of the world came in fifteen minutes what would you do?
- Me? I'll fuck anything that moves! And you?
- I'm not moving ...

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**Read the following carefully aloud

- This is this cat.
- This is is cat.
- This is a cat.
- This is how cat.
- This is a cat.
- This is keep cat.
- This is a cat.
- This is con cat.
- This is busy cat.
- This is for cat.
- This is the cat.
- This is less cat.
- This is 20 cat.
- This is seconds cat.

Now you're wondering what this stupid, huh? Well go back and read the third word in each line from the beginning ... No hard feelings ...

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**Two women discuss:
- I am an excellent guardian of home whenever I divorce, it's me who keeps the house!

**This is a man who is tied to a pole in a cannibaliste tribe.
A cannibal approaches and asks:
- What is your name?
Then the man replied:
- Why are you asking me that?
The cannibal replied:
- This is the menu!